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| Harry Potter and the Half-Dead Mitchell | ||
| I know I'm not supposed to post anymore, and don't get your hopes up because of this, but my experiences the other night were just too....abnormal...to remain un-posted. I mean, the situation practically screams, "POST ME ALEX!!! POST ME!!" So I did. Harry Potter and the Now, before you say "OMFG, Mitchell is such a book-loving nerd geek freak," you should know that I didn't actually make this decision until 11:45 that night. I figured, what the hell, it'd at least be cool to see all the creepy nerds. That, and I'll get a sweet post out of it. More in the full story...trust me, you want to read this one. I'd had a conversation earlier in the day with my good friend David B. (who, for those of you who've seen it, has a brief mention in the Boston Video) about the whole Harry Potter dealy. Apparently, he'd pre-ordered his book six months ago, and was going to pick it up at midnight. Anyone who knows David is going "Woah....what?? DAVID?? A Harry Potter nut???" I had the same reaction. Because I'd expect such behavior from a total loser-nerd, like Hillary (tee hee) or Jin (jk...kind of ;) ), but not from biceps-kissing heart-breaking girl-[censored] David. It just showed me that it wasn't *just* nerds who were obsessed with this book, it was wannabe-nerds as well. So, I came to the conclusion that he was crazy. I mean, who would really stay up past midnight for a BOOK? So anyway, it was about 11:45 last night, and I had one of my patented spontaneous-mitchell-desicions and decided to go out and buy it. Why not? I mean, there aren't going to be a lot of people willing to stay up so late to get a book, so it shouldn't take too long. Plus, it'll be fun to laugh at all the wierdos. Hehe...wierdos are awesome. So I got to my local Borders book store, and saw approximately eight thousand million (8,000,000,000,000) cars crowded around the bookstore. "Oh, crap." I thought. Now, the Borders near Tysons is a substantially large place. It's got two pretty huge floors, both of which were packed with upwards of six hundred people. Six hundred people. Let me say that one more time, in case you didn't understand. Six hundred people. As I walked in, I smelled chaos. It was just crazy. I saw eight different lines, or what appeared to be lines anyway, made up of tired 4-year-olds with face paint, and eccentric 40-year-olds with more impressive face paint. These people were wonderful nuts. And then there were the costumes. They ranged from total all-out witch hat & broom, to little kids with paper wizard hats, to (a) men (man) with an actual lightning scar on their (his) foreheads (forehead). Okay, look. If you're a 40-year-old man who willingly scars himself on the forehead in response to a children's book; face it, dude. You've got issues. There was also (I am totally serious) an owl show. With one smelly, irritable-looking owl. That, my friends, is a little far. I arrived at around 12:10, and saw a massive line. So, being the crowd-following sheep that I am (ha!), I stood in it. But, there were SO MANY PEOPLE, I had NO IDEA what to do, or what was going on. Pictured below (taken with phone, sorry 'bout the crappy quality). Notice the lady in the impressive witch hat in the middle:  I had a thought - what if David was at this same bookstore? I mean, he lives somewhat close to me, and I assumed this Borders was the closest one to his house. So I called him, and by some magical (pun intended) coincidence, he was there. I called him and asked him to come down and explain this discord to me. He eventually found me, and explained the process, which i'll attempt to explain here. There were a lot of people that wanted this book. There were a lot of people that wanted this book. There were a lot of people that wanted this book. So many, in fact, that Borders had to adopt a temporary Harry-Potter-Distributing-System. First, you stood in a MASSIVE line to get a spunky 'lil ticket thinger, which was purple and had the Harry Potter logo. On this spunky 'lil ticket thinger, there was a number. What happened was, they called a range of numbers, 26 at a time, and those 26 people got to stand in the front line to actually buy the bloody (pun intended) thing. After waiting in this massive "Check-In" line, I finially got to the spunky-'lil-ticket-thinger-distributer-person, and he gave me my spunky 'lil ticket thinger. The number read "7,294,912." Just kidding. Here's the dialogue between me and the spunky-'lil-ticket-thinger-distributer-person (SLTTDP): Me: Hi, I need a – SLTTDP: *quickly gives ticket* You’re number 478. You want one book or two? Me: Erm...two, I guess. SLTTDP: *sticks a blue sticker with the number "2" on my ticket* *Loudspeaker* : PEOPLE WITH NUMBERS 50-76, PLEASE LINE UP AT THE FRONT DESK Me: Umm…so…when am I actually going to get to buy it? SLTTDP: Well, since you're number 478, you’re lookin’ at about 2:30 right now. Me: WHAT?? 2:30?? WTF?? @#$%&!!! I took a look at my ticket:  Bewildered, I did what any other sane person would. I (gracefully) cut in line. I’m very proud of the way I handled this, because we didn’t really break any rules, but ended up getting it a LOT sooner. After hearing I'd hafta stay 'till 2:30 to get this stupid book, I realized that there was NO WAY I'd be willing to stay up that late. Because, you see, I had to be on a plane to California (which is where I am now) the very next day. But I wanted this book to read on the plane. I absent-mindedly asked David, out of curiosity more than anything else, what his number was. His was number 318, and he'd been told 1:00. Just then, the loudspeaker blared, "PEOPLE WITH NUMBERS 100-126, PLEASE LINE UP AT THE FRONT DESK." It was ~12:20. Here was the progression of my insomnia-induced logic: -I'm number 478. There's no way I'll be able to get this book tonight. Oh well, I'll buy it at the airport tomorrow. -But wait...David's number 3:18, and he'll probly get his a little before 1. And, since I've come this far, 1:00 is okay, i think. -So...maybe I can buy one with David's ticket! So, David'll just buy two, and I'll give him the money for mine. Brilliant! [after four seconds] -But wait...I wonder if the tickets are only good for one book. Hmm... [after checking mine] -*phew,* it says "Limit 3 per customer." That means David can buy three. W00t! So that was cool; everything was fine. Or so it seemed. I went and found David & his friend upstairs Or WERE we? I saw David's ticket, and instead of having a blue "2" sticker on his spunky 'lil ticket thinger, he had a green "1." This meant he could only buy one book. When I inquired, I found out he'd only reserved one book. Which meant he could only buy one book. Crap! Now, at this point, any sane person would say, "Alright, this is hopeless. Let's go home." But not me! Here's some more progression of logic for you: -CRAP! Alright, this is hopeless. Let's go home. -Although...when you get up to buy the book, all they really look at is the sticker on the spunky 'lil ticket thinger. So...I've got a "2" sticker, so why not replace 'em? -Wow, I am so brilliant. But I wasn't. As it turns out, the stickers were stuck on SUPER-TIGHT so they wouldn't come off. Evidently spunky-'lil-ticket-thinger-makers saw this coming. Grrr. -CRAP! Alright, this is hopeless. Let's go home. -Except...hmm, that spunky-'lil-ticket-thinger-distributer-person looks awfully tired...maybe I could BS him into giving me a different sticker. My heart goes out to that poor, poor spunky-'lil-ticket-thinger-distributer-person. He looked positively pooped. I mean, he'd probably been sitting at that counter distributing spunky 'lil ticket thingers ALL DAY, while answering the same questions over and over again by creepy Harry Potter freaks. So I went up to him; Me: Hi there! SLTTDP: *glare* Me: *big annoying smile* Well, you see...my ticket here says "1" but I really need a "2," because-- SLTTDP: *punches "2" sticker on ticket* NEXT! SWEET! So, at around 12:50, we finally got up to the main desk and bought our two stupid Harry Potter books, and I ended up going to sleep at around 2AM. Success! Here's a picture of the book, taken at 12:59 AM:  The damage: I was half-dead the next morning (hence the title), and had to get on a plane to California. As I walked through the airport the next day, I saw shelves upon shelves of the books...the very same books people were (quite literally) drooling over the previous night. Sure, I could've just gone home and bought one at the airport. But guess what? No one who bought it the next day had that experience. No one would ever remember dealing with insane people in crazy costumes, or a disgruntled owl, or brilliantly defeating the system. My one statement after it was all finished: "This better be a damn good book." ...And it was, actually. I read most of it on the plane, and finished it the next day. The beginning/middle is somewhat slow...but the last 4-5 chapters are just...like...holycrap, wtf, how could that happen? I won't spoil it for you (I'm not that mean), but someone dies. And it's very sad. Very. So, when the next Harry Potter book comes out, be sure to stay out 'till 1AM with me. I'll let you cut in line. people wish they'd bought that stupid book at 1AM. | ||
| July 20 |
Comments:
| Alex (site creator) | May 0 |
|
The question remains: why was that post so long? |
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| DJLC | May 0 |
|
I hate Harry Potter. If I wanted to read the story of a
pre-pubescent boy going to Fairy Princess school, I would read
the biography of France's founder guy. |
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| DJLC | May 0 |
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And Alex, it was so long because the book is so goddamn long. |
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| lea | May 0 |
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haha the book didn't come out in croatia until 1 and i stayed up
too and was filmed for the grand opening. we watched the news the
next day and i was on it!! |
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| jin | May 0 |
|
ok...i've seen weirdos that would do practically anything...but
40-years olds who self-injures themselves for the sake of public
humiliation? now that's just low. even for a book that lets JK
Rowling make 25 grand per minute for the next 3 weeks |
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| DJLC | May 0 |
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She's a real smart one. Making up some bullshit and selling it to
the droves of idiots here in America... |
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| .:.h.A.n.N.a.H.:. | May 0 |
|
I actually found myself slightly disappointed by the book. It
seemed like she just sat down and wrote without really planning
it, and, as *graduates* from Carney's class, we know how that
makes for bad writing ;). I agree in that the last 4-5 chapters
were redeeming, but still. I have a couple of rather major
qualms with the book, like how - the person - died. The last
book had better kick some major ass. |
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| figure it out | May 0 |
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i still cant believe people go and wait hours for a book that
they can buy in minutes 2-3 weeks later |
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| Kevin | May 0 |
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Hi everyone...i just got back from a cruise...YAY |
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| Kevin | May 0 |
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o ya...book...right...it wasn't that great. O and i bought it on
the Saterday after at Costco where they have literally MOUNTINS
of this book. |
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| Kevin | May 0 |
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http://www.flashplayer.com/animation/potterpuppetpals.html |
|
| Marie | May 1 |
|
... There were owls? And people dressed up? In public? You sure
it wasn't halloween? |
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