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| Time to Move to Canada (or, How Bush Won the Election) | ||
| [note: today's post is gonna really piss you off if ur a hick, a rich snob, a chiristian, or any kind of bush supporter. but shut up and take it, your boy just won.] okay, what the f%$# is wrong with us??????? In case you're a dimwitted dingbat, you'd know that our good friend bushy won the election. WHAT THE F%$#. This makes NO SENSE at all. actually, it does. I've come to the conclusion that Bushy won because of the mastery of three major voting groups: the southern hick vote, the rich snob vote, and the christain vote. example: HICK: Who me do vote for? OTHER HICK: Bushie president. Bushie goood. HICK: Me vote why Bushie? OTHER HICK: Me Bushie vote cuz me get $10 from "tacks cuts." HICK: Me likie-poo $10!!! Me vote bushie!! Me vote bushie!! BUSH: Me know not what me is. CHENEY: Just keep walking, George....GOOD BOY!!! Now sit....SIT....NO! BAD BUSH! GET OFF BARBRA'S LEG!! *kicks bush* BUSH: Woof woof!! HICK: Me vote bushie!! Me vote bushie!! So millions of hicks everywhere voted for bush because the 10 bucks they got from tax cuts. the rich snob vote: RICH SNOB (aka. the average inabitant of Fairfax County): I do believe that it has come time to place our ballot for the president of these United States. OTHER RICH SNOB: Yes, I believe so. Which of the fine young candidates shall we place our ballots for? RICH SNOB (aka. the average inabitant of Fairfax County): I shall place my ballot for George "W." Bush, and i shall only place my ballot for George "W." Bush, and i shall do so forthwith. OTHER RICH SNOB: Yes, I see. May I place an inquiry as to the reason? RICH SNOB (aka. the average inabitant of Fairfax County): Of course you can *rich snob chuckle*, I did recieve the amount of $10 million in tax cuts this past year, all of which has somehow gone to re-shaping of my wife's upper body. OTHER RICH SNOB: Yes, I too had a similar encounter; my company has grown fabulously richer in the time of George, after he most willingly agreed to sign a warrant for my corporation to burn baby robins for our major factory. RICH SNOB (aka. the average inabitant of Fairfax County): Ah, yes, and what was that corporation again? OTHER RICH SNOB: Why, Microsoft of course! *rich snob chuckle* And finally, bush obtained all of the Christian vote: CHRISTIAN BOY: Mommy, who are you and daddy voting for in the election? CHRISTIAN MOM: George Bush, honey. CHRISTIAN BOY: Why? CHRISTIAN MOM: Because John Kerry is the spawn of the devil. And we don't want the devil in the White House, now, do we? CHRISTIAN BOY: No, mommy. But why is John Kerry the spawn of the devil? CHRISTIAN MOM: John Kerry thinks boys should be allowed to marry other boys. That's an evil thing to think. Remember, it's god's work to kill all the homosexuals. CHRISTIAN BOY: But isn't "John" a Christian name? It's much more holy than "George." CHRISTIAN MOM: Well...yes...but... CHRISTIAN BOY: And mommy, I like other boys. Brother says I'm gay, and I am. I have a boyfriend named Arshin. He's really nice. CHRISTIAN MOM: EEEEEEEEK!!! WITCH!!!!! WIIIIITCH!!!! BURN HIM!!!!! BURN HIM!!!!! So you see? It's all because of these three groups that bushy's back for a second term. I actually got an exclusive interview with Bush, only seen here at wian9k. Here it is: ME: Hello, Mr. President. I represent whatsinaname9000.net, a website. BUSH: Website on netinter. Me likie netinter. Me see me on netinter. ME: Actually, i believe it's "internet." BUSH: No netinter it is. Me king. Me you king. You do what me say. Me say netinter. You say netinter. ME: Umm...sure, whatever. There's been rumors on the internet that-- BUSH: NO!!! NETINTER!!! YOU SAY NETINTER OR ME CALL CHENEY!!! ME: Fine, fine! We'll skip that question. Next question: What's your plan for Iraq? BUSH: Me no like arock. Daddy say me blow up arock. Arock go boom!! ME: But what message does that send to our troops? BUSH: BOOM!! BOOM!! AROCK GO BOOM!!! ME: ...uhh, ok. Last question: what words do you say to your defeated opponent, John Kerry? BUSH: I wanna cookie. ME: huh? BUSH: I WANNA COOKIE!!! ME LIKIE COOKIE!!! ME: Uhh, Mr. Bush, I really don't think-- BUSH: I WANNA COOKIE!!! *starts sobbing* ME: Screw this. I'm moving to Canada. Watch out Canada, here i come!! But yes, the idiot is back. And yes, america is further doomed through his stupidity. And yes, the world will probably collapse on itself in the not-too-distant future. But at least we'll have some good laughs. [reading over this, it's probably one of the most controversial posts i've ever done. whatever.] | ||
| November 3 |
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